Addendum: Hello, hello! For your information, you will have to be (on my friends' list and) logged in to read the locked entries. Oh, those and all other entries are below this one. Dum dum dee dum.

Dear Diary,

Remember my last entry?

Well, seems like I might just have to swallow my own words. There are people who are willing to accommodate to my temporarily erratic schedule; I've just underestimated them.

It is times like these that you know who your true friends are, eh? Thank God for that.

~Wats

Dear Diary,

My daily routine for the past few weeks is to work thirteen-hour days on weekdays and occasional weekends, go home, pray and sleep. Rinse, and repeat.

On the rare days I force myself to leave before 8 p.m., I actually manage to sneak in dinner with my family. But that, as I had mentioned, is rare. Beyond rare, even.

On the weekends I do not go back to work, I coop myself up at home because, one; I'm too tired to doll myself for the outside world or entertain guests at home, two; there is too much housework to be done and three; I need to play The Parent Game right. I have abandoned my family almost six out of the seven days of the week so I am all theirs for that one day.

I hope this period ends fast - I am mentally and physically exhausted, I am gaining weight because I have not been able to go back to my exercise routine and yet I've been junking in-between meals, I have not been spending quality time with my family and I no longer know what is going on with my friends. Bottomline is, I am losing my grip on everything I have ever cared for.

As dramatic as that seems, it's true.

But. I have some interesting events that will be taking place over the next month or so; hence, I know for a fact that as the various events approach, I will be too excited for words. Maybe then I will get my old self back - the hyper, excitable, almost Barbie-like one; and not the sullen, tired anti-social I have become.

Then again, we all have an idea how right I can be on such issues so we'll see how things go, shall we? For all you know, I will end up friend-less at the end of all these; simply because I have not been available and nobody I know is willing to accommodate to my erratic schedule.

Right, enough gloomy talk.

On a brighter note, I made cheese sticks today and they are quite good. Not really a success, but they taste good nevertheless. (The next time I do it, I will probably roll each dough into a thinner stick and sprinkle a little parmesan on each. Let's see if that works.)

Alright. Daughterly and sisterly duties call so I'd best scoot off now. Stay tuned for updates on my upcoming events?

~Wats

Dear Diary,

The office saw a change of entity today and the weeks to come will see all of us practically camping there.

See, a change of entity may mean more in terms of profit but the initial stages can really be a pain. What with the administrative work - letters to clients, the filing of documents for all files so that our change would be on record, the calls that we foresee coming in as clients seek to inquire the reason and significance behind the change - that would definitely disrupt the smooth flow of paperwork we finally had going on.

In preparation for the battle ahead, however, I refused to work beyond my office hours this week (working through lunchtime does not count) and spent my evenings hanging out with family and friends; since I could foresee myself possibly abandoning them for awhile. This weekend, especially, was a meaningful one.

A long dinner with my Favourite Irritant and Partner on Friday - too much good food caused us to walk off our bloated-"ness" through the highway (that was the highway, right, guys?) however. Followed by a small birthday celebration on Saturday morning for my youngest brother before he had to go off for the APEC rehearsal. Saturday afternoon saw me at the zoo with Jolene and her nephew, plus we sneaked in a little window-shopping towards the end (only because we could not find what we were looking for).

And today? Well, the morning was spent spring-cleaning before meeting with the Wedding Waltzers and the day ended with good 'ol family time.

Suffice to say, I am very much refreshed and ready to face the battle ahead. Bring it on, I say, but don't mind me if I begin to whine about my physical and mental exhaustion. Just remind me that it comes with being Super Paralegal, thankyouverynice.

~Wats

Dear Diary,

I was supposed to kick-start my fitness regime tonight (if you don't already know, I have a run coming up on 6th December 2009) but as you can tell, it didn't happen. (What gave it away? The word, "supposed"?)

I got caught up, and by the time I realised, became too lazy to rush down to Ocean Towers only to have a hundred eyes watching me as I sneaked into the studio. I like keeping a low profile, thankyouverymuch. So I stuck my flabby bum to the chair for another lovely hour with my friends before calling it a night. I may have gained more fats from my decision, but hey. At least it was a happy kind of weight-gain.

Thank you, guys, for listening to me ramble on and on tonight. And thank you, especially, for the treat and bulls-eye drilling that drew me out of that dreary cloud we call "work stress".

~Wats

Dear Diary,

Many years back, I read a book about a sullen adolescent with growing-up pains. Said book appealed to me for reasons unknown, although I cannot quite recall its title offhand if you were to ask me for it now. It has been quite awhile since I read a book, much less ones I had come across years back.

Due to current...changes, I had recently found the time to revert to my favourite pastime. So I made my way to the library to max out my borrowing limit. Of the several books I had loaned, only one brought forth a memory from the not-so-distant past. Again, the main draw was the sullen adolescent with growing-up pains.

Now, that had me thinking a lot. Are all teenagers going through puberty really such menaces who succumb to society's pressures and expectations?

I can recall a handful of utterly shameful deeds of my own as a teenager - talking back to my parents (my mother, especially - we had a love-hate relationship going on and I blamed her more than anyone else for my then-obesity), making everything seem like it was their fault when they reprimanded me for my misdeeds (such as failing in classes I had no interest in, skipping religious classes, coming home past my curfew, staying up way past bedtime to chat with friends and the likes) and last, but not least, piercing two holes each in my ears just above my original one, as the ultimate form of rebellion.

I bet I wasn't much to live with then; for I remember the constant discontentment and flare-ups, the bitterness at having to take on responsibilities as the de facto leader amongst my siblings and the way I'd intentionally incur my parents' wrath.

I do not know how my parents managed to take me in hand but as the years passed, I mellowed. (Or as close to mellowing as a hothead like me can.) And positive changes came about.

My parents are now my best friends and my family is my life. I am doing reasonably well in my chosen career path. I still keep to my curfew, although they are now more of self-imposed than anything else. And, best of all, the "extra" holes in my ears have closed up a long time ago.

So. Are all teenagers going through puberty really such menaces who succumb to society's pressures and expectations? I have no idea. But what I do know is that if my brothers and I can outgrow that phase, anyone with the correct influences could.

~Wats

Dear Diary,

The best thing about the lack of program for the weekend is the allowance for impromptu plans. That, I had forgotten.

The closet geek that my family and I are turning out to be, we left home early this morning to scout for my youngest brother's laptop - some unheard-of brand by Dell that went by the name of Alien Workshop Alienware. It turned out to be a large and heavy (by laptop standards) notebook with killer graphics and keyboard meant for heavy-duty gaming. Figures.

We also got me a new wireless mouse (in pink, of course), software upgrades for all our laptops and, last on the list, a new sound system for the living room.

After that bout of shopping today, I will be glad to just stay home and rot. I don't even want to think of the damage done today alone. I'll leave that to our accountant, who is also known as Dear Old Mum.

All that matters now is we are not regretting our purchases a single bit because they were, after all, necessary ones. Right? Right.

~Wats

Dear Diary,

The weekend is upon us, and for the first time in months (years, even), I do not have a plan. This needs some getting used to.

On a different note, I am fat now. I need to get back to my training, especially since my run is coming up. What run, you may ask? [*quotes cousin with occasional Minah tendencies*] "I also don't know."

All I know is that it will be held on the morning of 6th December 2009. I'm holding auditions for my very own cheerleaders. Anyone?

~Wats

Dear Diary,

I'm back.

And I'm no longer hurting.

(:

~Wats

Dear Diary,

He: Why don't you know how beautiful you are?
Me: Oh my God! Isn't that a song from the Backstreet Boys?! HAHA, YOU ARE A BSB CLOSET FAN!
He: The problem with BackSIDE Boys fans - you can never compliment without her thinking you're quoting from a song.
Me: Moron.

And then came the intentional changing of subjects, because I don't want to be caught reading too much into a particular situation.

[Reminder to self: Hoping means expecting, and expectations can give rise to disappointments. To avoid disappointments, never hope.]

And yet...

Ich glaube, ich könnte einfach fallen für ihn.

Dang.

~Wats

Dear Diary,

Since my birthday, I have been infected with an unknown bug and lost my blogging mojo in the process. This is not to say that I have regained it, though. It just means that I cannot put off searching for my mojo any longer, because I am turning bimbotic as the days pass.

Explanation for my absence aside, January has been a month worth reveling in. More so than I thought possible, really.

For a start, there was a month's worth of dates with various groups of family and friends. All in the name of celebrating my birthday (pre and post). Ironically, it was the one event that I was dreading only because I did not want to break down, remembering a broken promise that I once held dear. But the day came and went, and I survived. I wouldn’t say "barely", because nothing could be further from the truth for I spent the day well. Meaningfully, even, and gave myself an undertaking that I truly believe I could keep.

Then there was the highlight of the month – the family chalet that I had organised since months ago. Four days and three nights of glorious food (I refuse to call them junk), BBQ-ing, swimming, bowling, karaoke-ing, legal joy rides and something wonderful that the words "fun and bonding" cannot even begin to describe. Oh, the liberation we all felt in knowing that responsibilities and consequences of late nights can be safely disregarded that week. My only complaint was the sunburn I brought back with me at the end of our stay. But no matter; methinks it is only a small sacrifice in return for all those days of merriment.

And tonight, tonight I will be meeting with an angel for part two of my birthday gift. This, I cannot wait for I have been told to expect something big. But that's not what matters. What matters is that we will finally be meeting after (what seems like) weeks of not doing so [insert chicken dance here].

On a different note now. To you, my friend, all I have to say is this - You can take everything away from me, but you simply cannot take away the fact that I have amazing and wonderful family members who will always be there for me; and lovely friends who solidly stand by me. And that, to me, is all that has ever mattered.

I'm gonna love myself more than anyone else
Believe in me, even if someone can't see
A stronger woman in me
I'm gonna be my own best friend
Stick with me till the end
I won't lose myself again, never, no
'Cause there's a stronger woman,
A stronger woman

-Jewel; Stronger Woman

I win. Ultimately, I always do.

~Wats

Dear Diary,

In the lead-up to this dreaded day, I have had to deal with a broken heart, being treated like dirt by a close friend and past pain re-visited; all hidden behind a mask of perfect insouciance.

Exhausted from the strain of putting up a constant facade, I owed it to myself to be free of pretenses on my birthday. So I resisted requests for human companionship in order to award myself with some "me" time. And "me" time was what I got.

Breakfast @ BurgerKing: Crosson'wich Meal ; Late Lunch @ Banquet: Tom Yam Noodle Soup
From an unhurried breakfast to three classes of Hot Yoga and late lunch, followed by a walk along the river before I found myself in Chinatown.

I took in the sights and sounds of part of my heritage, pretending to be a tourist so that I could ask the most ridiculous questions and still would not be thought a simpleton, and compared it to bustling ones I was used to in Paya Lebar. I realised that there wasn't one which I preferred over the other, for its respective quirks sought to preserve its tradtion above all else. And you have got to respect that.

I bought myself some office wear, snacks for the family and grabbed a cup of yoghurt to calm my rumbling tummy before heading home, quite rightly satisfied. Back home I was greeted by a home-cooked meal of fried noodles, which I walloped almost immediately, a rare chance to have dinner with my family and a surprise delivery from my favourite girlfriend.

And now, everything at home is calm while everyone sleeps and I re-enact my twenty-sixth to you.

All of the above, plus an inbox overflowing with birthday greetings made my day a memorable one, simple as it was. And at the end of the whole day, I cannot help but feel silly about dreading 13th January 2009, just because I did not want to be reminded of a broken promise. Goes to show that I am much stronger than I gave myself credit for, yes?

Happy Birthday, Ms Irdawathy Anuar. I promise that I will only allow the people who matter into your life from now on.

~Wats

Dear Diary,

Dinner and dessert with the KWP clique was gratifying. Thankfully, they did not even attempt to embarrass me even if society allows for it under such circumstances.

Oh wait, they did.

Because when they presented me with Part 1 of my gift, the condition was that if I guessed wrong, it would be forfeited and I would receive a slap each from them. So I did all I could to figure it out - from pushing the wrapped gift to the light (the opaque wrapper did not allow an ounce of light through) to squeezing and shaking the thing (apparently, touch is deceiving) - and I was kind of right ("a care Bear!"); if only I did not change my answer at the last minute. Hmph.

And the same conditions were attached to Part 2 of my gift, only I also had to act out some kind of forfeit if I guessed wrongly. This time, though, it was unmistakably a bottle of fragrance (DKNY's Be Delicious) and I forced them to offset my punishments because I could immediately guess Part 2 correctly.

"It's my party, and I'll cheat if I want to!"

~Wats

Dear Diary,

The final day of the weekend started pretty early for me. I was up at 8 a.m. helping my mother cook breakfast, after which I showered and got ready for my day with Ms Jolene Lee [Prohibited Chinese Name].

She fetched me promptly at 10 a.m. and we headed off to MacDonalds@TampinesInterchange for breakfast. It was my first time in months that I was having breakfast there, so I savoured every bite. We took a leisurely breakfast since we did not have an agenda for the day, save for having to be at Holiday Inn Parkview by 6.30 p.m.

After breakfast, we made our way to Century Square and, thereafter, Tampines Mall in search of the perfect outfit and accessory for Chinese New Year. I had also attempted to buy some games - Twister, Pocket Scrabble, Uno Stacko, anything! - for the upcoming family chalet I was organising. Sadly, all we ended up with were a Japanese album and a compilation of Asian horor movies. This, despite spending close to five hours there.

We made our way dejectedly out of Tampines, trying to decide on the next venue and on the spur of the moment, I suggested trying our luck at City Hall. She gave me a look and said, "First stop, Gramaphone?" To which I gave her a sheepish grin and we started bursting into laughter.

(Private joke, m'darlings. But those who know my history with Gramaphone@CityHall will know what was going on.)

We skipped (well, actually, I skipped while she walked) to Gramaphone where she tried to decide between Muse's "Black Hole and Revelations" and "Live In Concert" and I searched high and low for Jay Sean's first album. At the end of the hour, she got the former of her contemplation and I, well, I bought nothing because they no longer carry Jay Sean's first album. But who could blame them, yes? Said LP was released a good four years back.

Jolene badly needed a new laptop since she destroyed hers recently so we walked down to Funan Mall's Harvey Norman, where, after a good half an hour, I convinced her to get a Sony Vaio that came with lovely freebies that I was itching to have. What I could not convince her was to get said laptop in pink. Bah.

As the kind salesperson was packing her purchase, she turned to me and groaned, "My mother's going to flip. I'm supposed to shop for New Year and what did I get? Totally unrelated stuff like music albums and a laptop!" Hurhurhur, serves you right for being so unfocused.

We still had an hour left before we were due for dinner so we took our time back to her car, where we took a leisurely drive to town. (Sidetrack: I was the one giving the directions half the time; and considering how much of a direction-idiot I was while she is almost a walking directory, I must say that that is quite a feat! [*pats self proudly on back*])

Fast forward to 7 p.m., where we were already into our first round at the restaurant situated on the second floor of the hotel.

I walked back to the restaurant after my hundredth trip to the toilet and there, at the seat just opposite mine was Mr Jonathan Tan Wei Wen; fellow AJClubber. I stopped in my tracks as Jolene started laughing and Jon gave me his trademark goofy grin, and I started screaming excitedly (if I weren't feeling huge then I would have probably jumped around, too).

"Ahhh, JON! When did you come back?! Ahhh, I think I'm going to cry nowww! Ahhh, [insert more incoherent exclamations]!"

I was so excited, I almost fell to the floor getting to my seat and very nearly dropped the plates and cutleries that I had dangerously placed on the edge of my side of the table.

(See, Jon is studying in Australia and, unlike previous years where we met year-end when he was back for the holidays, we were unable to last year. For the simple reason that he was working in Australia during his holidays and so AJC never got our annual meeting. So I was really missing the boys greatly, Renny being the other one who has been absent [despite being in Singapore still], and having one of them surprise me by joining us for dinner really made for a wonderful pre-birthday gift.)

I needed to calm down a lot after that so I suggested opening the gifts they'd each presented me - a gift voucher from Charles & Keith from Jon and a Guess watch from Jolene - and almost cried, not because they'd gotten me something branded/beautiful/[insert any other adjectives related to materialism] but because their gifts showed that they paid attention to what I needed, liked and/or wanted.

Dinner continued thereafter, with us taking turns filling each other in on what had been happening. We had, however, left out the heartbreaks of 2008 for tonight was one of happiness and celebration; and I wanted nothing to mar the occasion.

Thank you, AJClubbers, for the intangible gift of surprise that really, really touched the bottom of my heart. I really appreciate the effort that you'd put in. On a different note, Mr Renny Lee Ghim Meng please come out of your shell, you horrible turtle, and let AJC have a complete reunion for once.

~Wats

Dear Diary,

(Twenty-Sixth on Ninth)
Dinner with an angel was more than I asked for, and I ended the day with the intangible gift of love.

~Wats